Aden elementary school. If I were a kid, I'd go there. Three classrooms overlooking the ocean, waves exploding over the tide pools in your backyard, while the goats graze around in the banyan trees. Smells perpetually of the sea, in the best way possible. No more than 20 kids in the whole building, almost every single one of them a charming little thug. They all come up and ask questions about English all the time, and half the time they surprise me with the weird words they already know. I got a letter at the office from one of the 3rd grade girls yesterday before my visit today, actually mailed it, stamp and everything, asking me to come to their cultural festival on Sunday and see her, to translate from the Japanese: "Speak in a very loud voice". How can you not just melt? Every time I think they've hit a cuteness singularity, by gosh they go and find something else.
But as perfect as the place is, it has this one kid who I just don't know what to do about. He's maybe 12, severely ADHD, and kind of a bully. More than kind of, he's a downright terror, especially since the Japanese school system leaves discipline up to classmates for the most part. You don't really have teachers stepping in to break up fights. My first day at Aden he grabbed firm hold of my leg and would not be removed until I had managed to walk half way across the school on my way to narrowly catch the bus home. I call him Tatsumaki, Japanese for tornado. He calls me Goldman.
Today I was playing with one of the little 2nd year boys, real pistol of a kid with a mole right on the end of his nose. He's also incredibly ticklish, but refuses to let the fact that I am about 8 times his size deter his efforts to get me back. He ran outside and managed to seal himself behind a door in the music room, so as to better make faces at me. "HEY GOLDMAN!!!" come the cries from behind me. Seeing a possible opportunity to maybe play with the kid instead of fight him I ask him to help me out. He does so. By running down this sweet little kid and bitch-smacking him just about as hard as he can.
I swear I have never been so angry in my life.
Tornado wanders off somewhere, and I'm left standing there watching this little kid stand near the doorway to the school building, hand on his cheek, this confused little look on his face trying desperately to make sense of what just happened. And then here's what kills me. I can see he wants to cry. Hell, his face is turning red and swelling up, I wouldn't blame him. But he doesn't. This tough ass little 8-year-old, sniffling and wiping his eyes, but he doesn't stop to cry, not even for a second. He goes over to the turtle pond, and sits down to watch them swim. And my heart just breaks. I go over and sit down next to him, and wish there were anything I could do to make it right. But there isn't. So I pat him on the back, and then get one of the turtles to come over and try and eat my finger, which makes him laugh a little.
There has always been something about little kids being tough beyond their years, which just destroys me.
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Adam you were ment to be a teacher! You truly seem to have a gift with your students and are a wonderful writer on top of it all. I understand your anger with the Tornado, but think of it this way....he needs to be taught how to interact with others. He doesn't have the ability to observe and interpret the appropriate way to act. You need to find ways to teach him. Don't take anything for granted. He needs to be taught the basics and then practice them.
ReplyDeleteAdam, I couldn't help smiling at your description of Tornado clinging to your leg and feeling sad for the child who had been hit by him. You have quite a challenge, but with your gift for teaching and empathy for your students, I feel you can make a difference.
ReplyDeleteDoing a little research and a quick read, it seems that the big thing with children with ADHD is impulse control and focus. These children live in the moment so appropriate discipline, e.g. time-outs, needs to be immediate for behavior involving hitting other children. Rewards based on earning points for good behavior are said to help also.
I googled "controlling kids with ADHD" and found "School Behavior Tips: Impulse Control for ADHD Children at ... http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1037.html
I also found "ADD/ADHD in the Classroom TIPS FOR TEACHERS AND PARENTS" at ... http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_teaching_strategies.htm
Googling "impulse control for kids with ADHD", I found "Impulse Control: Helping ADHD Students Manage Their Behaviors" at ... http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/6006.html
I am sure you can find more sites, but these seem like a good start.
Sadly, the issue is that I'm not actually "their" teacher so to speak. I am "a" teacher, but it's not my place to discipline kids. Truthfully it's not really the homeroom teacher's responsibility either.
ReplyDeleteJapan does things differently. It's a system I can respect half the time, and despise the other half. Kids learn how to behave by following the norms established by their peers. If they don't learn to fit in, then they are ostracized by their classmates, and in the generally highly socially conscious Japan this makes pretty much everyone fall in line. It's actually pretty amazing to watch sometimes. I saw two of the younger kids get into a fight over at this same school and one of the 6th graders sat them both down and they all worked it out together. Unbelievable.
Except when it comes to the ones who have actual behavioral problems. All too often in their case the system, which is focused on preserving the integrity of society, deals with them by forgetting about them, ignoring them, and flushing them out of the system. I mean hell, Tornado doesn't even come to class. He just shows up to play around and try and get someone to pay attention to him.
So thanks for the links and advice, but I'm afraid this one is out of my hands, except for the hour I see him once a month.